summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this just has baby written all over it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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