you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
