You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
