I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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