i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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