did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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