girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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