Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
