Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
