Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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