Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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