You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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