so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drake has all the answers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
