and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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