I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
