Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
