bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
