sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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