I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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