worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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