Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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