what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
