Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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