you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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