the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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