I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
