your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
