I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
