Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
