do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
