you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize