LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
