There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
