Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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