reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
