I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
