tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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