I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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