time to smoke my breakfast
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
