I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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