Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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