i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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