does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
