Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
