You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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