My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
