No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
