Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
