Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
