He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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