i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
