Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
