Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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