At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
