You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
