it was like eating out sand paper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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