I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Come see our sink grown plant.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
