If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
