I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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