My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
