How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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