If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves