so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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