I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
