dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
