So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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