...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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