did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
