btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
