At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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