Your mouth is God's brothel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
