When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even my vagina gasped.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
