as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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