mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
