My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
