I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize