That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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