glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the condom got lost in my hair
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
