im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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